Dear Rest of the World that Owes US Money

Dear rest of the world that owes US money,

First, we hope this note finds you well.  We all want economic, political, and social satisfaction with our own form of self governance.  Unfortunately, we have to broach a subject that is not all that pleasant.  We hope you’ll continue to read on, and offer any solutions, or dialog, you see fit.

We’re a bit strapped for cash at the moment, so, if it’s OK with you all, here are a few things we need to get understood by the rest of the planet (UN listen up)…

  1. If there’s another disaster (natural or other) in your country, well, sorry. We don’t have any more cash, supplies, personnel or anything else to give out.  We’d be more than happy to stop on by, for a fee though…
  2. If we, the US, have another disaster (again, natural or otherwise), we’d appreciate some help, for a change.  It’s the neighborly thing to do, right?
  3. UN: Sorry dudes, time to start paying your fare share. Rent is due on the 5th of the month and late fees will apply. An itemized list is available upon request.  We all want to be fair right?  If you don’t like it, then leave any we’ll refund what remains of your security deposit after we clean out all the bugs, viruses, and other nasty things you’ve left here.
  4. Oh, by the way, can you please start paying us back what you owe us? I know we haven’t been charging you much of a late fee or anything like that, but it would be cool to send a few bucks back now and again.
  5. If you don’t want us “helping” you in your country, fine. We’ll leave. If you want us back, I’m sure we can agree on some sort of payment plan.
  6. Last thought. Put up, pay up, or shut up!

V/R

The United States of America

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