Mai Tais and Me

I’ve tried them here.
I’ve tried them there.
I’ve tried those darned things everywhere.
Not to be rude, but hard as I tries,
I just don’t like them fricking MaiTais.

On a recent trip to Hawaii, I was presented upon check-in with coupons for two free Mai Tais. Not to waste a free drink, I bravely went to the bar and ordered one. I struck up a conversation with a nice couple and as the dreaded rum and juice concoction arrived, I proclaimed my distaste for the stuff and began the task of choking it down. It was then that my new bar buddy spoke up.

“Son.” The guy said.

“The reason you don’t like Mai Tais might be that you’re drinking it wrong.”


What? Drinking it wrong? I know neither of us had that much, yet.

He continued.

“See here, first off, DON’T MIX IT! It’s a layered drink for a reason. Second, do NOT use the straw. The layers are meant to be tasted top-down, not bottom-up. This forces you to get the dark rum first, and then “chase” it with the spiked juices. Also, Save the fruit garnish for last, or skip it all together. It’s just added sugar. THAT’S how to drink a Mai Tai.”

He must have been right. His wife/daughter/niece was nodding her pretty blonde head in agreement.

I gulped down the one in front of me, had a glass of water, and ordered the second one, no fruit. I resisted the urge to stir it and removed the straw. Wow! Quite the different taste. By the half way point, the float of dark rum was gone leaving only what amounted to a tropical light run and fruit juice. Very nice.

So, I learned something new. Mai Tais taste different when sipped and not mixed.

I still don’t like them,
And that’s all right.
I’ll just have a Miller Lite.

Explore posts in the same categories: Food, Humor, Rants

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